How self-aware are you? It’s a fair question to ask, especially when you are seeking help from a life coach. It may also be fair to ask what self-awareness is all about.
In a recent piece in the Harvard Business Review (HBR), “What Self-Awareness Really Is and How to Cultivate It,” organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich explains what we know about self-awareness and the idea of understanding one’s self. The article focuses on what it calls two categories of self-awareness – internal and external. Let’s take a look at these briefly.
Internal vs External Self Awareness
Internal self-awareness, says Eurich, represents “how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others.”
This type of awareness is often “associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness.” But it also comes with negative side effects such as anxiety, stress, and depression.
External self-awareness focuses on understanding how other people view us, in terms of those same factors listed above. Research shows that people who know how others see them are more skilled at showing empathy and taking others’ perspectives into consideration, according to the article.
Knowing all this helps us focus on our own state of mind when it comes to self-awareness. Simply put, being aware is a process of self-reflection where someone can look at their values and aspirations in light of a career change, a new relationship or a more mindful approach to one’s well-being and health.
That’s where a coach comes in. A life coach and client usually engage in a discovery process that allows the client to reflect and figure out what it is they are aware of when it comes to their ambitions, goals or desires for the future.
Value of Self-Awareness
So why is being self-aware important? Besides things like values themselves, it can help us recognize and understand our deep-seated emotions, our daily behaviors and how we interact with others.
Being aware of one’s own emotions is one thing, but understanding your own bias, prejudices, likes and dislikes can help when it comes to decision making, whether it’s buying a car or agreeing to a new assignment at work.
This willingness to look inside oneself also helps pinpoint stress and the necessary coping mechanisms we all need in our lives.
Ultimately, a well-recognized awareness of our character will help us communicate with others, show compassion for others and may make a direct impact on our leadership development.
I know that sounds like a lot, and while coaches are not counselors, digging deep inside ourselves can direct us on a path we want versus one we may have fallen or been forced into. And so change is really only possible when someone is self-aware.
Let me pause and give an example. A local business leader I know displayed two very conflicting traits. One on hand he was highly critical of his own work. Any little mistake turned him on himself, and others noticed, some even demanding he give up that attitude of self-loathing (maybe even really self-pity).
Now on the other hand this senior manager was driven by a need for affirmation, or recognition by others. It didn’t matter where it came from or how sincere even it was, he just wanted to be affirmed. Affirmation is a whole other topic, but basically he desired to be recognized, and if he wasn’t he might even display more self-loathing.
The man knew he was this way – he had that much self-awareness - but eventually he had to confront these two distinct traits by deeply examining himself and his emotional patterns. The insight he gained helped him be aware of why this part of him existed. It helped him to control these emotions better, and it helped him understand the potential negative consequences from both.
On his journey with a life coach, he came to realize that being self-aware is more than just knowing. It’s taking that information and using it to improve himself, grow as a person and maybe even enrich his relationships.
Developing Self-Awareness with a Coach
If you lack self-awareness that goes beyond merely knowing who you are, a life coach can help in a number of ways and offer skills to develop a higher level of self-awareness. Let me give you just a couple of examples.
A coach can focus on emotional intelligence, identifying areas that need understanding and improving and even use techniques to uncover patterns and behaviors. Again, not as a counselor, but someone who is looking with you toward the future even if it sometimes requires looking back to the past.
A life coach can help you build an effective routine that includes time for self-reflection and assessment, allowing you to track your progress and focus on issues that arise as you come face to face with your emotions, your dreams, your passions and your attitudes about life, career and other people.
Someone asked me recently if you can become too self-reflective. This individual was also obsessed with ruminating (his words, not mine) about himself, the nature of the world and many highly emotional topics around faith, philosophy, culture and what it means to be a human. The person admitted they “over thought” things and battled to dampen down all of the reflecting being done.
I told the person that self-awareness is a constant process, one that often requires the same methods we use to gain understanding or figure out what it is we want to do, or need to do in any given situation.
As a coach I may help develop someone’s self-awareness for a specific goal – let’s say they want to start a new business or change their attitude toward wellness and healthy lifestyles. That’s when we would use techniques to put someone on the track to self-understanding about that specific issue or desire. In doing that someone might be required to broaden their reflection to the deeper nature of who they are since our lives are not lived in disconnected segments, but flow from one moment to the next, with memories preserved by our heads and hearts for future reference.
I know that sounds a bit mysterious but let me just conclude with this: Our better natures are inside us, our desires are in our heads before they can happen. We have to know all this first, study it second and use what we learn to further reach for our dreams and passions. Self-awareness is being attuned to that.
If you want to dig deeper and find out how self-awareness is a key aspect of coaching, and may help you achieve your dreams, I am available. Take the time now to reach out for a free discovery session. I know you will find it a great way to reflect on who you are and your life.
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